Dreadful Denial

If denial was a river in Egypt, I wouldn’t just be swimming in it. I’d be gasping for air so as to avoid drowning.

On Friday, my baby will be 12 weeks old. How did that happen?

His newborn clothes really haven’t fit him for the last week or so. But I can’t seem to let go. Yesterday, I put him disposal diapers all day just to eek out one last day in my two favorite “newborn”outfits. (And if you know how strongly I feel about cloth diapers, you know this is a big deal.)

This morning, when I got my Baylor Babies email, it informed me that my little man is no longer a “newborn.” Say what? I read the email during Reece’s 2:00 a.m. feeding. When it was time to go back to bed, I nestled him next to me instead of putting him down in his co-sleeper crib. “Healthy sleep habits” be damned.

I have a marathon to run in six months. Not just any marathon — the Boston Marathon. I have yet to put pen to paper on a training plan. I so enjoy my daily 3-mile run/walk with Reece, and he does, too! But I’ll have to leave the jogging stroller at home to really build up my mileage (until Reece outgrows his infant car seat, at least, and let’s not even think about that!) I doubt Reece would enjoy anything longer than 45 minutes to an hour anyway.

I’ve been talking about searching for a nanny for weeks now, but never did anything about it. Yesterday, I finally contacted a few candidates and posted the position on a caregiver website. Now, I have tons of seemingly nice, qualified ladies whose emails I can’t bring myself to answer. As if by delaying the process, I won’t have to return to work and let someone else enjoy Reece’s adorable afternoon smiles. It’s not that I don’t want to work; I do. But I also don’t want someone else spending all day with my child. Clearly, I can’t have it both ways. How do moms do this?!

That is all. No life lesson to be learned today. Just the hope that by saying this out loud I’ll be on the road to recovery.

Thanks for listening.  🙂


About Beth

Wife, daughter, big sis, aunt, friend, attorney, runner, cyclist, amateur chef & aspiring photographer. Thanks for keeping up with my life on the run!
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