I’ve Moved

And I kind of forgot to tell you. Oops!

Check out my new website at http://www.bethbedell.com. 🙂

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{Almost} Wordless Wednesday

Since it technically isn’t Wednesday, I won’t be wordless either …

Yes, we were those rule-breaking parents at the pumpkin patch who stuck our 3-month old inside the little cauldron. Reece was propped up with blankets, Brad was just inches away, and we got the shot (even though it was too cold for smiles). The end.

Many more October photos will finally be shared on Facebook soon. I promise. 🙂

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Wordless Wednesday

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When to Walk

Every runner started somewhere. Usually as a walker and then a jogger and then a runner.

When we become “runners,” however, something happens. We forget where we came from and tend frown on those who are “just walking.” I’ve seen it on the multi-use trail around White Rock Lake. I’ve seen it in training groups. Heck, I’ve even heard it from the little voice inside my head.

This morning, I set out on my usual 5k route from the house. It’s hard for me to admit, but at 12 weeks postpartum, I still can’t run the whole thing. I think I could without the jogging stroller and infant car seat, but I don’t really know. The truth is: It’s hard. Much harder than I ever imagined it would be. Each day, though, I challenge myself to go two extra blocks here or an extra hill there. So, my run-walk ratio increases every week.

“Today,” I thought, “maybe I’ll be able to run even farther.”

But, today, something was different. There was a perfectly cool breeze (a nice treat given our late start). Reece fell asleep early on. Thanks to our late start, the school buses had already run, there was hardly any traffic, and the lawn services were wrapping up their rounds. About one mile in, the point at which I would ordinarily pick up the pace, I was struck with a sense of calm.

When I run, I tend to get obsessed with distance and pace. My mind is occupied by thoughts of how far I’ve been or how far I have left to go. If I’m having a rough day, I self-bargain to make it to the next landmark. If I’m having a good day, I start thinking about races or new goals.

When I walk, I soak up my surroundings. My mind is occupied by thoughts of how lovely the foliage is or how happy the birds sound. There are no good days versus bad. Just appreciation to have another day.

I didn’t dwell on how far I had left to go. And instead of noticing my usual landmarks like fire hydrants, cars or light-poles, I admired everyone’s fall landscaping and Halloween decor.

I was enjoying it so much that I didn’t want it to end. So, I didn’t run a single step today.

The calmness that struck me at mile one carried me all the way home. I watered plants, decorated a pumpkin, and wasn’t at all frazzled when Reece woke up wanting attention.

Some days a walk is exactly what a runner needs.

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Dreadful Denial

If denial was a river in Egypt, I wouldn’t just be swimming in it. I’d be gasping for air so as to avoid drowning.

On Friday, my baby will be 12 weeks old. How did that happen?

His newborn clothes really haven’t fit him for the last week or so. But I can’t seem to let go. Yesterday, I put him disposal diapers all day just to eek out one last day in my two favorite “newborn”outfits. (And if you know how strongly I feel about cloth diapers, you know this is a big deal.)

This morning, when I got my Baylor Babies email, it informed me that my little man is no longer a “newborn.” Say what? I read the email during Reece’s 2:00 a.m. feeding. When it was time to go back to bed, I nestled him next to me instead of putting him down in his co-sleeper crib. “Healthy sleep habits” be damned.

I have a marathon to run in six months. Not just any marathon — the Boston Marathon. I have yet to put pen to paper on a training plan. I so enjoy my daily 3-mile run/walk with Reece, and he does, too! But I’ll have to leave the jogging stroller at home to really build up my mileage (until Reece outgrows his infant car seat, at least, and let’s not even think about that!) I doubt Reece would enjoy anything longer than 45 minutes to an hour anyway.

I’ve been talking about searching for a nanny for weeks now, but never did anything about it. Yesterday, I finally contacted a few candidates and posted the position on a caregiver website. Now, I have tons of seemingly nice, qualified ladies whose emails I can’t bring myself to answer. As if by delaying the process, I won’t have to return to work and let someone else enjoy Reece’s adorable afternoon smiles. It’s not that I don’t want to work; I do. But I also don’t want someone else spending all day with my child. Clearly, I can’t have it both ways. How do moms do this?!

That is all. No life lesson to be learned today. Just the hope that by saying this out loud I’ll be on the road to recovery.

Thanks for listening.  🙂

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Keeping Purpose in Perspective

Purpose, it’s that little flame
that lights a fire under your ass.
Purpose, it keeps you going strong
like a car with a full tank of gas.
Everyone else has a purpose.
What’s mine?

Princeton, Avenue Q

As a new mama, it’s easy to get down. To feel exhausted. To feel overwhelmed. To feel isolated. Because, frankly, you are.

As I left the house one afternoon, all I could think about was in which order I should tackle my errands. I wanted to make sure that the most important ones got done first … just in case Reece decided he was done with our little field trip and needed to be changed or fed. Sure, I could do it on the road, but it’s much easier and more comfortable for both of us at home. So, I had about two hours to do all the things on my ever-growing list.

Initially, I felt frustrated and even a little resentful.

But, then, I realized that I also felt something much more powerful :: Proud and Fulfilled.

Somehow, I don’t really mind being beholden to my little man’s schedule. There’s something incredibly rewarding in knowing that Reece’s health and well-being is inextricably intertwined with my own. I take pride in staying hydrated, eating well, exercising regularly, and adopting some pretty wacky sleep schedules not just for myself, but for him. By all accounts, it’s working because he’s growing like a weed and gets more content each day!

This feeling is strangely familiar. I’ve had the same sense of pride and satisfaction during marathon training, though it is much deeper now. Rather than feeling deprived when I declined a second glass of wine, late-night party plans, or deep-fried foods, I was proud of all the hard work I was doing. I was determined to stick with the plan. And I knew it would pay off in the end. (Thankfully, it always has.)

I only accomplished two of the five things on my errand list that day, but the outing was a huge a success nonetheless because it completely changed my perspective.

I am extremely blessed to have another 8 weeks before I have to start thinking about the gut-wrenching transition back to work. And I’m going to savor every single second of it. Because for 8 more precious weeks, my one and only purpose in life is to be the best mama I can be.

~your simple little B

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Wordless Wednesday

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